So it ended up to be a miscommunication , i told my mom that i am going to wait for her at the Bishan Taxi stand like thrice when i was on the phone with her ( when i was still with ca they all cos i know that's like probably the last time i could be contacted with my mom as my phone died ) , but my mom thought i was at the nex taxi stand instead. i think she have been really stressed up really , so you can't blame her. Let's talk about my first hour of waiting, i was starting to worry. Well the first thought of mine have been really scary already, " what if something happened at home? and my parents could not get in touch with me? " I tried to shake that thought off and started looking at the sky , figuring out what time isit. I continued to wait and look at more people getting into the cars they have been waiting for , greeting the people fetching them and smiling. I longed for all those. I told myself to wait. This is when the evil thoughts came in at my 2nd / 3rd hours waiting , this time i was thinking " shit , i should start finding people to borrow phone from. " But it's either, i'm too shy or awkward to go and when i finally picked up my guts, the person left. OR, there's no one at the passenger pick-up point. "
and another thing i thought of during my first hour of wait was " IS THIS A DREAM?? " i bit my finger really hard that there's still my teethmark now and pinched myself, shit , no, this is reality. Why does it feel so surreal? then another evil thought , this one's really bad " or maybe i should just run into the road , if i get knocked down and sent to the nearest hospital and i have my identification card so they would know who i am and contact my parents. Well at least they could be contacted. " luckily I didn't heed that thought. I didn't even realized i have waited at the pickup point for a total of 4 hours until my mom told me after all these ended. Think it's either i have a super high patience level or simply , i didn't master the skill of reading the time from the sky colour. At the 3rd hour , i was really helpless , i have began praying since one hour has passed and at the 3rd hour , my prayer to God gets simpler and simpler, it ended up to be only " God, i need a sign. Amen. " i was really scared and really helpless, like i really thought what can i do omg. I really hoped that a stranger will just come up to me and ask, " are you okay? you seemed like you're not okay." I started to regret why didn't i charge my portable charger , why didn't i get another portable in case i used up the other one and so much more 'why's.
I don't even know why my mind was so blank just now, i felt soooo freaking small. like i just wanna find a corner and just hide there and tremble. I really dislike feeling helpless. In fact, i hate that feeling, i hate to feel that i can't get out of this situation, hate feeling stucked. And the worst part is i have to be stucked like now, what can i do was just to keep walking around the same spot , over again and again. Wanted to leave the pickup point but i scared my parents come and i'm nowhere to be found, the other time this happened i got scolded pretty bad.
AT LAST, at the so-called last hour, i finally picked up all my guards and perhaps took the probably last sign God has gave me, to approach the lady standing beside me to ask her if i can borrow her phone. I wasn't clear at first when asking , i stumbled with my words. She had to ask me what was i saying again, that part was super embarrassing. I had to slow down and explain to her what kind of situation i'm in now, well, she did hesitate whether to lend me her phone and after that she still did. amen!! I called and the first time , the line didn't get through, i'll explain why later. and the second time, the line got through, i managed to speak to my mom, she was panicking, i felt sooo bad and she asked me where am i and stuff then we came to an conclusion that we miscommunicated ( if there's such a word )? while talking i didn't realize that the lady's car came. So after i'm done , i apologize and stuff, i was pretty much a ball of mess just now. NEVER BEEN SO SCARED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. SIGH. today's must have been one of the worst day in my life. But really, 因祸得福 ( means that you get like a blessing out of the trouble you got in , a blessing in disguise ) , without this incident , i will not have known that my friends cared so much about me. Thank you ybies, thank you cheryl for walking all around J8 , thank you Roger and your sis for texting me and calling my mom and stuff. Thank God for you guys. Can't express how much you guys mean to me now.
LOVE YOU ALL X
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